My Mother Used To Have...

My mother used to have a sparkle in her eye when she talked. I remember seeing her smile every day. When I saw her smile, my world was beamed with sunlight. She knew what to say and she knew what to do to make my days stress free. I miss seeing that sparkle in her eye. I would do anything to get it back. It is so crazy how that sparkle in her eye turned into hatred towards the world. Once those couple of days passed, I remember that most of my days were gloomy. I felt like if someone had taken my sunshine away. Then I grew up and I realized what had happened to my mom to make that sparkle go away. Pain can break, mold and shape a person that is totally different from what the world is used to. Remembering what happened a couple of years back with my dad made me figure out what the problem was. Then I remembered that I was one of the people to contribute to her pain. Growing up, I have made a couple of mistakes but then again, was it really a mistake? I think it was just a decision that I had to make. I do not regret my decision because if I would have stayed and kept going through the pain that I went through while I was there, I have no idea where I would be right now. Being depressed all the time is not something I was looking forward to when I was growing up. I had to make the decision that was better for me and my life. I could not really worry about other people because I could have been miserable. I think one day she will understand all that I went through when I made my decision to leave and live with my dad but until then I am going to be the bigger person and apologize for all the pain that I caused her. The last thing that I wanted to do is take that wonderful, amazing sparkle in her eyes that would bring a whole room alive when she was around. I love my mom and my mother used to have a sparkle in her eye until pain shaped her into a whole different person but I know one day it will be dark and when she walks in, my whole room is going to shine. That is when I will smile every day because I know that she has truly forgiven me and that is when I will know that I got my sunshine back.