My Deepest Fear..

My deepest fear is something that I know I will have to face one day. Losing my grandpa is something that makes me cry to even think about it. My grandfather is the person that means everything to me. He is the one who raised me. The one who fed me every day and took me to the park. Growing up, he was the one that went thorugh the most pain because of his disease but the think that I admire the most is that no matter the pain, he always had a smile on his face. The words of wisdom that he gives me does not comapre to any other words that anybody else will be ever able to give me. I wish that my siblings and the rest of my family could actually see the grandpa that I had. They are too young to even experience the wisdom that he witholds. I know that one day, I am going to have to give my grandfather up to the heavens. I am happy to know that my pap lived a full and happy life with his family. My papa comes rolling in his wheelchair with a joke on his sleeve. All his jokes makes me laugh. The corniest things he does but those are the little details that I will always remember when I think of him. He always tell me that you can never be sad because you have to be happy to know that you are alive to see another beautiful day. I hope that one day, I can have the knowledge that my papa has. When he talks to me, I do not worry about anything else but his words. It amazes me all the time to see the complexity of everything he says. I love my papa and my deepest fear will soon come to reality but until then, I will cherish every moment I have with him.

My Own Restaurant...

My restaurant would be pretty simple but full of life. CJ's House. That would be the name of my restaurant. As soon as you walk through the door, you would feel so happy. The bright colors and the light surrounding the domain brings nothing but happiness. Tables all over the spot with a a great amount of chairs so you can find a seat. People always say family first right? That is who would be working at my restaurant. My family. I would have my mom as the cook since she is the best cook in the family. Everybody else will also have their own tasks here. Anybody from my family that needs a job has a job in my restaurant. Being Salvadorian, we would server a great variety of dishes. My mom's famous pupusas, tamales, panes con pollo, rellenos de wiskil y papa, chile relleno, sopa de frijol, sopa de rez, sopa de pollo, sopa de pata and everything else that my mom cooks. We would also cook lasagne, spaghetti, fettucini alfredo, grilled chicken. We would have a lot on the menu. I think I would love to have breakfast, lunch, and dinner so I would make that happen. Have a different chef for every meal. That sounds like a good idea...

Dinosaur

I get up one morning like every other morning. I turn on my lap-top, put on some music and just relax while I think about what I have to do for the day. Look out the window and there's a dinosaur. I start to trip out. I would never think twice about a dinosaur even existing around this time but ofcourse, I was wrong because there it was. I think I want to keep this dinosaur like that movie Eragon. Yea, I am going to keep it. From the looks of it, it is still young. Poor little dinosaur, no parents. I will take care of it. I think I am going to call him Chompers because when I came around him, he was very playful and he kept trying to bite everything. Maybe he'll eat me one day. Haha, no I am going to make him a vegetarian. That should work. Ever since that day I have had a pet dinosaur. The only difference is that for some reason Chompers didn't grow that much which was a good thing. He stayed cute. I love that little guy.

Cooking Any Meal...

If I could cook one meal for my family it would be breakfast. They love it when I cook breakfast. I usually make my specialty, omelettes. It took me a while before I actually got the hang of cooking omelettes but now I can say, that they are pretty good. I start off with taking all the ingredients that I need. I take out the eggs, ham, cheese, onions, bell pepper, salt, tomato, and pepper. I take out the pan and a bowl. I put the pan on the stove and take the bowl to the counter. I start chopping the ham, onions, bell pepper and tomato up and put them in the bowl. I crack two eggs in the bowl, pour some salt and pepper in there, take a fork and start mixing it all together. Once I am done mixing it all together, I turn on the stove and pour a little oil on the pan. Once its ready, I pour the battered eggs onto the pan. I let it sit there for a minute or two and then I flip it like a pancake. I put the cheese on one side of the omelette so it can start to melt. Then once I think it is ready, I bend one side of the omelette so it can look like a taco. I take it off the pan and put it on a plate. My family enjoy those omlettes with toast.

Being Brave

A time where I'm brave is when I had to explain everything that happened that night. Reminiscing on that day was the hardest thing to do because I had that memory locked up. Locked up so I could eventually forget about it. I was wrong. I had to suck it up and explore my thoughts for this memory that I wanted to get lost. I had to sit in front of this lady who I didn't know and tell her what had happened over 5 years ago. She said that I had to be brave and tell her what really happened because it was for the best of me.  I sat there and started my story. "I was 8 years old and I didn't know what I had gotten myself into. I thought it was a regular day. Like every other day, I came from school, did my homework, picked up my toys and watched the television waiting for my dad to come home from work while my mom was cooking dinner. Those days, everything felt weird. My dad was coming later than usual and I found myself not eating until later on that night because I would be too occupied waiting for my dad at the window where you can see out to the street. My mom came up to me that evening and asked me if I wanted to play spy. Me, as a kid, I loved playing games escpecially when it came down to playing with my mom. What I didn't know was that we were really going to be spies. Not as a game but in real life. Pulling up to my dad's job, I was so excited. I thought to myself, "Oh yea, I get to see my daddy." Then thats when that happy moment turned into a nightmare. A nightmare that is mostly a blurr. My mom telling me to be quiet as we just sat in the car watching my dad come down the stairs with his hands intertwined with another woman's hands. I was so confused. I didn't know what to do but cry. Me crying made my little sister cry. She was only 1 year old. The next 30 minutes was the worst time of my life. Screaming in the car because I had no clue what was going on but I did know that somebody was going to get hurt, if not physically, emotionally. The night became more intense. That was the night when I realized that words can damage a person's life forever. My mom slapped my dad. The lady didn't know what to do so she left the sight. My mom got in the car and I could see the hate in her eyes. I know now that that was when everything had changed. My little sister and me were still screaming and crying. My dad came to the window and told me to go with him. I was always close to my dad. I always wanted to be like him so ofcourse, I went. That made my mom more mad but I didn't know. I was only 8 and I knew that I had to do what my dad said. He took me to eat and thats when he poured the truth out to me. He told me that the love that him and my mom had was no longer there. He told me that he had found somebody else and that he was leaving. Yea, I was sad. I didn't know what that meant. All I knew was that I wasn't going to be seeing my dad every day like I had done for the first 8 years of my life. Like I said, after that day, everything had changed. My night ended with tears because all I could hear was my mom popping bottles open and crying. Her crying tainted my life for now I remember the sound. That day was the worst day of my life. I had partly lost my dad and I knew that I had lost my mom. Nothing was going to be the same." The lady was shocked on how much I was holding inside of me. She told me that it was brave of me for sharing that story with her. I wasn't proud.

Do You Remember?

Do you remember when you didn't know 2+2 was 4?
Do you remember when you had to tell your mom somebody was at the door?
Do you remember when it was fun sleeping on the floor?
Man, Haha, I only did that when I was bored.
I remember all the times I ran up those stairs..
My mom was getting ready to pull my hair
Getting in trouble because I dodged my dad every time I had to stop playing.
Laughing with my friends because I was daydreaming.
Man, do you remember daydreaming about having icecream after school?
Do you remember when everybody was cool?
Do you remember when all you dreamt about was that during the whole summer, you can swim in a pool?
I remember when I fell off a stool.
Haha, I was such a fool.
Do you remember all of your child hood days?
To me, it is all becoming a daze,
But I will try to remember those beautiful days.
Do you remember?

My Mother Used To Have...

My mother used to have a sparkle in her eye when she talked. I remember seeing her smile every day. When I saw her smile, my world was beamed with sunlight. She knew what to say and she knew what to do to make my days stress free. I miss seeing that sparkle in her eye. I would do anything to get it back. It is so crazy how that sparkle in her eye turned into hatred towards the world. Once those couple of days passed, I remember that most of my days were gloomy. I felt like if someone had taken my sunshine away. Then I grew up and I realized what had happened to my mom to make that sparkle go away. Pain can break, mold and shape a person that is totally different from what the world is used to. Remembering what happened a couple of years back with my dad made me figure out what the problem was. Then I remembered that I was one of the people to contribute to her pain. Growing up, I have made a couple of mistakes but then again, was it really a mistake? I think it was just a decision that I had to make. I do not regret my decision because if I would have stayed and kept going through the pain that I went through while I was there, I have no idea where I would be right now. Being depressed all the time is not something I was looking forward to when I was growing up. I had to make the decision that was better for me and my life. I could not really worry about other people because I could have been miserable. I think one day she will understand all that I went through when I made my decision to leave and live with my dad but until then I am going to be the bigger person and apologize for all the pain that I caused her. The last thing that I wanted to do is take that wonderful, amazing sparkle in her eyes that would bring a whole room alive when she was around. I love my mom and my mother used to have a sparkle in her eye until pain shaped her into a whole different person but I know one day it will be dark and when she walks in, my whole room is going to shine. That is when I will smile every day because I know that she has truly forgiven me and that is when I will know that I got my sunshine back.

The House We Lived In...

The house we lived in brings so many great memories to my life. Waking up, knowing that my school is around the corner made my mornings chill and smooth. I didn't rush anything and I always left out the door ready for school. I walked to school with my best friend that lived in the same building as I did. At to 2:30, the bell rang and we already knew where we were supposed to meet to walk home. On our way home, we would always stop by the ice cream truck to buy our snack for our 5 minute walk. We walked to my apartment because my house was the house that we went to when we wanted to chill and do our homework. We walked in the house, said Hi to my mom, turned on the television, got something to drink, and then start on our homework. We finished our homework at 4:15 and we knew that once both of us were done, it was time to go play outside with the other kids from the building. The people we grew up with playing every day after school until it was too late to even watch t.v. when you were called back in the house. Running outside to call every one's name, all of the other kids came out of their houses to join me and my best friend, Leslie. Everybody got together and it would be time to decide what games we were going to be playing. The games varied from hide and seek, freeze tag, stores, bikes, roller blades, boot camp, picnics, jump rope. We played any and every game we could think of. Playing as many games as we could, we had so much fun. Then the fun stopped when I heard my dad's whistle from our window letting me know it was time to go in for dinner. As soon as I opened the door, I could smell the delicious aroma that came from the kitchen. As the daughter, I had to set up the table which I had fun doing because I knew that we were going to have a good family dinner. The house we lived in blessed me with so many happy memories from those first 10 years of my life. I will never forget them because that is when I feel my life touched perfection every day.